Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
Today is a tough day for me… Today is my wife Lisa and my 7th wedding anniversary. But this one is so much more different from the past 6 anniversaries. This is the first anniversary we’ve spent apart, and being separated from her is horrible for me, almost more than I can bear.
As many of you know, Lisa and I have been separated for over 7 months, and for most of those 7 months, I have been unable to sleep for more than a few hours a night, waking up with my heart racing at night, trying to figure out what went wrong, why she asked me to leave, and what I can do to fix things and win her back. There have been no easy answers. This has been devastating for me. All I can do is stay faithful and dedicated, pray for peace and patience and hope, and ask God to work a miracle in both of our hearts.
A few weeks ago, I asked everyone I could to pray and fast and believe with me for reconciliation. I don’t know what God might have done in Lisa’s heart, but I do know He did a LOT in my heart, and He continues to work in me every day. So I’m asking once again today, on our wedding anniversary, for all my friends and prayer warriors to join with me again in prayer and fasting that God would work a miracle in both of us - that He would continue to work in me to give me His peace that passes all understanding, give me His love for Lisa, encourage me with hope for when I get discouraged, forgiveness for when I get resentful, to show me his wisdom and continue to work in me and transform me into His likeness, that my eyes would continue to stay focused on Him. And I’m asking you to pray for my wife Lisa, that God would bless her as she burns her candle at both ends, to work in her heart and cause her to draw closer to Him and soften her heart towards me. As many of you have heard me say in my talks, we serve a God of miracles who can do the IMPOSSIBLE in our lives. If I say that with my words, then I have to live it out in my actions and believe that God CAN work a miracle in our relationship and do the IMPOSSIBLE in our lives to bring us back together.
So I’m asking you to stand with me and believe with me that God would reconcile us in our relationship. I’m not perfect, but I’m in the process of being transformed and perfected in God’s likeness. I realize I’ve been called to a very unusual calling that most women wouldn’t understand or find prestigious. I also know I can’t do anything to change Lisa’s heart or mind or priorities… All I can do is to stay faithful and devoted to her, and keep coming to God on my knees and praying that He will make me a more godly husband for her, and that maybe somehow Lisa would see Him in me, and we could both get back to living up to the vows and covenants we made before Him 7 years ago.
As many of you know from my schedule, I have a booking coming up in a few days at First Baptist Church in Decatur, AL, less than 10 miles from our farm in Hartselle, and another in Weaver near where Lisa works in Birmingham. When I booked these last year, I figured I would be able to sleep in my own bed and wouldn’t need a long drive or a hotel. Little did I know at the time that I would be living 500 miles away in my sister’s basement. Now, I look at these bookings with mixed feelings. I am so looking forward to coming back to Hartselle and hoping to see Lisa, but because the communication has been strained between us, I don’t know what she’s feeling or planning, and I’m afraid of even more rejection or worse. All I know is that every mile of those 500 miles that I get closer to seeing Lisa, the harder my heart will beat, and the more mixed feelings I will get. I just keep reminding myself that perfect love casts out all fear.
So if any of you know Lisa or me, if God brings either one of us to mind, would you please pray for us today and stand with me in believing that God will reconcile our marriage for HIS glory. The Bible says that God HATES divorce. I certainly don’t want to do anything against God’s will, or be divorced or even separated from Lisa, and I am hoping that God will make some changes in our situation soon. Please pray that Lisa will be willing to see me and be willing to talk about reconciliation instead of going further the other way and growing further apart. Our communication has been strained over the past 7 months when Lisa told me to quit telling her that I love her because she doesn’t believe it or feel the same way I do. Lisa has been the love of my life, my life has changed in so many ways the past 6 years, and I am so thankful for her allowing me to step out in faith to find my calling. But in the past year something has changed between us as we have both gotten busier with our work. Please pray for peace and forgiveness between both of us. Please pray that God will soften her heart and heal the hurts caused by rejection and broken trust in my heart, and rekindle our first love in both of our hearts that brought us together in the first place.
Lisa’a an amazing woman, the most amazing woman I have ever met; she’s just very overwhelmed with all of her many jobs and responsibilities, burns her candle at both ends, and because of this, her focus is on work and money instead of communication and relationships. Here’s a blog posting I wrote on Lisa a few years ago when things were still going well. And here’s her websites:
Thanks for your prayers.
And if you see Lisa, please tell her I love her…
“And these three abide: Faith, Hope, and Love.
And the greatest of these is Love.”
I Cor 13